Over the past year and a half many workers have been in and out of our home to evaluate the kids and our family. We have hosted social workers, child advocates, family advocates, service coordinators, behavioral specialists, child prep workers, therapeutic support staff, mobile therapists, and the list goes on. Many nights per week were spent with workers talking through the evening. Some grew to be a part of the family.

The children were raised with so many people taking care of them. They had countless people involved in their lives and making sure they had all the services they needed. You have heard the saying “It takes a village to raise a child”, well there is no truer statement than that. We had a whole city in our corner. From day one, a team of people have worked hours on end to support our family. The theme of our “Gotcha Day” party was “Team Balbach” because everyone involved was part of an amazing group that brought our beautiful family together forever.

Though the workers encouraged our family, a sense of terror entered the children’s eyes every time they visited. In the past, the social workers had removed the kids from their home and taken them to strangers houses many times. The fear of being taken away again consumed the children every night a social worker stopped by. Their anxiety caused them to act out and misbehave. Our family will have to help the kids overcome this terror, it may take years to work through, but eventually we hope it subsides.

After the adoption, the frequent visits from the multitude of workers has drastically declined. Appointments with the service coordinator, behavioral specialist, and therapists continue to occur, however our family has much more time on our own. The lack of visits have allowed our family to become united and grow on our own.

I continue to be amazed at the amount of people who have made such an impact on our lives. Our family has so much to be thankful for this year. We hope the new year brings even more joy and togetherness.

As a young child, I always wanted a sister or two.  My two brothers were fun to have around, but they were never willing to let me paint their nails.  I had dreams to spend time with my sisters doing what girls like to do, playing ‘house’, having spa days, and growing up with a built-in best friend. However, as time passed, my dreams faded, I knew that I was getting too old to have the ideal sister I always wanted.

In 2012, my parents decided they wanted to begin the process to become foster parents. The agency took three years looking for children that could live in our home. On August 11, 2015, three children, two girls and a boy, moved into our home. At the time, I was 18, a senior in high school, and preparing for college.

All of a sudden, I shared my room with two little girls, 5 and 2, who had night terrors and some severe emotional trauma. I did not believe I would get too emotionally invested. My life was already planned, and I had accepted the fact that I would not have sisters. There was also no guarantee that they would stay for a long period of time.

I had been severely mistaken on the effect the children would have on my life. Suddenly, I found myself constantly talking about my new siblings. I became so invested in their lives in such a short amount of time. We quickly grew into the best of friends. Together we watched movies, danced in the kitchen, and laughed the afternoon away.

I remember times when family members and friends judged my parents for taking on such a task. They made passive-aggressive comments and snide remarks about the children and their unfortunate past. During that time, it was hard for me to bite my tongue and keep my frustration to myself. I noticed myself defending my new siblings, something I never pictured myself doing.

These children have lived with us for one year and four months. On November 19, 2016, my family went to the court house to officially adopt my three youngest siblings. My life has been forever changed. I see the world with an entirely new perspective. God placed these children in my life for a reason and everyday I see his plan working in our lives.

The adoption process is long and draining for all of the people involved. There are many court dates, visits from the social workers for the state and the agency, and visits from all of the extra people who coordinate the lives and services provided for the children. During this long process the kids become acquainted with their new family and lifestyle. They become part of the family before they are legally part of it.

It takes months for the court to finally take full custody away from the biological parents and give rights to the foster parents. Sometimes, the case workers lose track of the biological parents whereabouts and are forced to wait for weeks on end until a form can be signed. The court dates are scheduled, postponed, and rescheduled countless times.

My family has been going through the foster to adopt process for a little over a year. Before one of the court hearings, my sister exclaimed to my parents, ” I can’t wait to see my court friends!”. I believe this anecdote portrays a good picture of how many times my siblings had to go to court during this process.

There are times when one can’t help but wonder if it is worth it. It is emotionally draining to watch children lose their biological families, even though they become a part of a family that can take care of them so much better. God gives us strength when he knows we need it most. He helps and encourages anyone who listens to his commands. The adoption process may be lengthy and sad, but God has a plan.

Adoption, most of the time, is painted as this beautiful picture of a family coming together and joining through the bonds of law and love. However, this lovely image simply covers the ugly truth about the way lives are affected by adoption. Adoption itself really is a beautiful thing, but it comes from a past full of heartbreak and loss.

The foster care system is a brutal place to be for any child that is placed in it. The children are taken out of their biological homes and placed in the homes of strangers. They move around from home to home, until someone is willing to adopt them, or they turn eighteen and are left on their own. Many times these children are feeling unwanted and unloved. They learn how to take care of themselves, and block out anyone who might have the power to hurt them.

Foster children go through pain that no one should ever have to endure. They go through mental, physical, and emotional trauma that takes years and hundreds of therapy sessions to work through. A lot of these children put up walls between their emotions and the people who are trying to love them. They do not allow themselves to have feelings for the people around them because the children fear that if they get too close, they will get hurt.

These children do not have anyone to rely on, but themselves. They know that they can be taken away from a home any time a social worker comes to visit. They cope by throwing fits, refusing to use the restroom and going in their pants, and yelling all the foul language they have learned along the way. Often, these behaviors cause foster parents to doubt their ability to take care of the children and have them taken away. It is a viscous cycle that is hard to break.

Children in the foster system become victims of the state, and are subject to the decisions of people who do not even know them. I encourage anyone who can take in a child, and give them a loving home, to do so. These children are innocent and not at fault for the lives they have been given. God calls us all to take care of the orphans, just as he does. My wish for the future is that no child will have to wonder where their next meal will come from, or where they will sleep at night. I hope people are able to open their hearts and homes in order to save the children from a life of pain.